TS & o *3 




DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



COMEDIES, MELODRAMAS 



Etc. 
M. P. 
All That Glitters is Not Gold, 

2 acts, 2 hrs 6 3 

Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 

30 min 4 5 

Aunt Dinah's Pledge, temper- 
ance, 2 acts, 1 hr 6 3 

Beggar Venus, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 

min (25c) 6 4 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2hrs.(25c) 9 3 
Bonnybell, operetta, 1 hr.(25c) 2 5 

Caste, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 5 3 

Chas. O'Malley'sAunt, 50 min. 

(25c) 5 3 

Chimney Corner, 2 acts, 1 hr. 

30 min 5 2 

Consort of Heroines, 3 scenes, 

35 min 16 

Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, 

1 hr. 45 min 7 8 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. ... 7 4 
Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

30 min (25c) 8 4 

Early Vows, 2 acts, 1 hr. (25c) 4 2 

East Lynne, 5 acts, 2 hrs 8 7 

Elma, The Fairy Child, 1 hr. 

45 min., operetta (25c) 5 8 

Engaged Girl, 3 acts, 30 min.. 2 7 

Eulalia. 1 hr. 30 min (25c) 3 6 

From Sumter to Appomattox, 

4 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min. . (25c) 6 2 
Fruits of the Wine Cup, tem- 
perance, 3 acts, 1 hr 6 4 

Handy Andy, Irish, 2 acts, 1 hr. 

30 min 8 3 

Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Indiana Man, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 6 4 
Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs... (25c) 5 4 
It's All in the Pay Streak, 3 acts, 

1 hr. 45 min (25c) 4 3 

Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 

2 hr. 30 min (25c) 7 5 

Lady of Lyons, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 30 

min 8 4 

Let Love But Hold the Key, 

musical, 1 hr (25c) 2 2 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 

15 min (25c) 7 4 

London Assurance, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 

30 min 9 3 

Lost in London, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 

min 6 3 

Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 1 hr. 

45 min 9 4 

Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 5 2 

Michael Erie, 2 acts. 1 hr. 30 m. 8 3 
Miriam's Crime, 3 acts. 2 hrs.. . 5 2 
Mitsu-Yu-Nissi, Japanese Wed- 
ding, 1 hr. 15 min 6 6 

Monev, 5 acts, 3 hrs 9 3 

My Wife's Relations, 1 hr 4 6 

New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 



M. F. 

Not a Man in the House, 2 acts, 

45 min 5 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 3 

acts, 2 hrs 5 3 

Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 1 

hr. 45 m 7 4 

Only Daughter (An), 3 acts, 1 

hr. 15 min 5 2 

On the Brink, temperance, 2 

acts, 2 hrs 12 3 

Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

Our Country, 3 acts, 1 hr 10 3 

Ours, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 6 3 

Out in the Streets, temperance, 

1 hr. 15 min 6 4 

Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 

2 hrs 9 3 

Pocahontas, musical burlesque; 

2 acts, 1 hr 10 2 

School Ma'am (The), 4 acts, 1 

hr. 45 min 6 5 

Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs — 6 6 

Sea Drift, 4 acts, 2 hrs 6 2 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 hr. 

15 min 7 3 

Snowball, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 

Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2 

hrs. 20 min 8 3 

Solon Shingle, 1 hr. 30 min 7 2 

Sparkling Cup, temperance, 5 

acts, 2 hrs 12 4 

Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min 2 2 

Ten Nights in a Barroom, tem- 
perance. 5 acts, 2 hrs 7 4 

Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2hrs (25c) 6 4 

Ticket of Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 

hrs. 45 min 8 3 

Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 

30 min (25c) 7 4 

Toodles, 2 acts, 1 hr. 15 min. .. 6 2 
Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 6 4 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 15 

min , (25c) 8 3 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 1 hr. 

45 min 5 4 

Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 

30 min (25c) 7 3 

Wedding Trip (The), 2 acts, 1 

hr 3 2 

Won at Last, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 

min 7 3 

Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 



A successful list. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT 
HICK'RY HOLLER 



A COMIC ENTERTAINMENT IN THREE SCENES 



BY 

LUTIE FITZGERALD 

AUTHOR OF "THE MATRIMONIAL BUREAU 



CHICAGO 

T, S. DENISON, Publisher 

163 Randolph Street 

V 












The Old School At Hick ry Holler. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
Joshua Toothacre, Teacher. 

SCHOLARS. 



Lorenzo Juniper, 
Johnny Short, 
Benjamin Long. 
Jim Henry Cobb, 
Mug Rudd, 

CORWIN KlLGORE, 

Salvation Samson, 
Jacob Von Hoffenstein, 
Andrew Montgomery. 



Tw* C<*f>«< 



FEB -25 1904 



Lorena. Juniper, 
Elizabeth Jane Crabtree, 
Indiana Crabtree, 
Deliverance Dodgett, 
Temperance Teaberry, 
Emmazilla Uphill, 
Mary Ellen Crockett, 
Olivia Henrietta Ara- 
bella See. 



visitors. 



Set-Still Campbell, one of the School Board. 

DOC. QUACKENBOS. 

Widder Crockett, Mary Ellen's mother. 



THE HICK RY HOLLER BAND. 



, HOSJJA JlMSON, . , . 
I 5*ETE.RO t '-BLO\fHARD; 



Henson Jackson, 
Capt. Kilgore. 



a-^-Tf j^fficcilt'to pf6£u-fc band, a local quartette can be sub- 
^titoU'd,' •(}!-' $\ii 'band .'can be; omitted with but slight change of the 
lines. 

If all the characters are taken by prominent or elderly people it 
will add greatly to the fun and absurdity of the entertainment. 



Time of Playing — About One and One-quarter Hours. 



Copyright, 1904, by T. S. Denison. 



TMP92-009359 



t". 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 



DESCRIPTION OF CHARACTERS. 

Joshua Toothacre — A small man who docs a great 
deal of blustering. Wears spectacles, from, which he has a 
habit of looking- over. Carries a timing fork in his vest 
pocket and starts the tunes by biting the fork and holding 
it to his ear. Wears a ruffled shirt, old-fashioned bottle- 
green suit, time of the late sixties. 

Set-Still Campbell — A large fat man. Has on over- 
alls and sits and fans himself with a broad-brimmed straw 
hat — a home-made affair, or one to look like it. Is hard of 
hearing. Wears a hickory shirt and cowhide shoes. Chews 
tobacco. Frequently takes out a huge plug during the 
exercises and* takes a chew. 

Doc. Quackenbos — A little man, middle-aged; wears a 
ruffled shirt, old-fashioned plug hat, brass-rimmed spec- 
tacles, swallow-tailed coat, big flowered vest and trousers 
of blue. Wears fine boots. 

Hosea Jimson — Has an old straw hat; does not remove 
it; wears overalls and a jumper, old cowhide shoes; chews 
tobacco when not playing. Drummer. 

Petero Blow hard — Plays the tuba. Wears clothes that 
are too small for him. Has on hickory shirt, old patched 
trousers of an indiscriminate color, the legs too short. 
Heavy shoes, but no socks. 

Henson Jackson — Plays the cornet (or anything) ; 
very tall and slender; 'is in his shirt sleeves; wears patched 
trousers made of duck. 

Cap. Kilgore — Plays the accordion (a fife, jewsharp — 
anything will do, so it is ridiculous) ; is dressed in an old 
blue army suit. Wears an overcoat with cape and a sol- 
dier's cap. The band's main object is to play as out of 
tune and time as possible. Can be made very funny. 
"Dixie," "John Brown's Body" or any tune can be played 
as an encore, and they may play oftener than I have desig- 
nated. A great deal is left to the individual taste in this 
play. 

Widder Crockett — A middle-aged lady. Wears her 
hair parted in the middle and twisted in a hard little knot 



4 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

at the back of her head. Wears a black calico sunbonnet 
with slats and a black calico dress made with a very full 
skirt and infant waist. Takes her bonnet off when she 
comes in schoolroom. She wears a long white apron. Tries 
to be very stylish and always uses the wrong word. 

Lorena Juniper is supposed to be a small girl — much 
smaller than her twin brother, Lorenzo. Their age is 10. 
She is always fighting his battles for him, while he stands 
around with his mouth open. She wears her hair combed 
very slick, parted in the middle and braided in two braids, 
tied at the ends with ribbons. Wears a long-sleeved 
gingham or shirting apron that comes to ' bottom of her 
dress. It is buttoned down the back. 

Elizabeth Jane Crabtree is tall and gawky. She wears 
a slat sunbonnet (a sunbonnet with pasteboard strips in the 
top), a long-sleeved apron buttoned down the back, heavy 
old shoes, and carries a tin dinner pail in her hand. Age 
14. Hair parted in middle and braided down the back. 
Combed down over ears. 

Indiana Crabtree is supposed to be about 6. Wears 
sunbonnet, long-sleeved apron, her hair braided in two tight 
little braids that stick aggressively out in the back, tied 
with calico string. Wears shoes much too large. Has an 
old necktie tied around her waist, as she is dressed up for 
the last day of school. 

Deliverance Dodgett — Age 12,* wears long-sleeved 
apron of calico, heavy shoes, a slat sunbonnet, a breakfast or 
shoulder shawl around her shoulders ; wears her hair 
bobbed off just at the neck. 

Temperance Teaberry has on old-fashioned polonaise, 
full dress skirt ; her dress is large flowered calico — comfort 
calico can be used ; wears slippers and white stockings. Has 
an old-fashioned lace collar (a little narrow strip of 
crocheted lace pinned around the dress neck. Any middle- 
aged woman will know what this is.) In the first two 
scenes her hair is done up in tins or rags. (They used to 
take an old tin can and cut it in small strips, then wrap it 
with paper and do the hair on this.) In the last scene she 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 5 

has taken her hair clown and its stands out in corkscrew 
curls all over her head. Her age is 17. 

Emmazilla Uphill wears long curls down her back. 
A ribbon is tied around her head and in a bow on the top. 
She wears a bright red calico dress, also made with a 
polonaise and full skirt. The polonaise of course buttons 
down the front. She, as well as Temperance, wears a large 
straw hat in first scene, tied under the chin with broad rib- 
bons. She also wears slippers and white stockings. Age 15. 

Mary Ellen Crockett is 7; wears long-sleeved apron 
of calico, sunbonnet, gaiters or cloth shoes ; wears her hair 
down her back and has a ribbon tied round her head. 

Olivia Henrietta Arabella See is Mary Ellen's 
cousin from town. She is 9, puts on lots of airs, wears 
her hair in long yellow curls, has on a white dress with 
waist under arms and a blue ribbon sash around her waist ; 
has a blue ribbon tied round her head, short sleeves, low 
neck, white stockings and slippers. She is the admiration 
of all the other children and treats them in a patronizing 
manner. She wears a large-brimmed hat tied under her 
chin with ribbons. The aprons may be tied behind with long 
sh ings. 

Lorenzo Juniper. Lorena's twin — Tall, gawky, lazy; 
stands around with his mouth open and hands in pockets. 
Is dressed in a gingham shirt and trousers of the same 
goods as Lorena's apron, because they are twins and must 
be dressed as near alike as possible. 

Johnny Short — Very tall, about 16; wears a hickory or 
gingham shirt, overalls too short, ragged shoes. He wig- 
gles his bare toe through the hole in toe of his shoe and 
makes other scholars laugh. Wears an old ragged hat. 

Benjamin Long — Very short ; he and Johnny sit to- 
gether and are chums. Goes barefoot. Wears old patched 
clothes made of striped duck. 

Jim Henry Cobb — The worst boy in school. About 10; 
goes barefoot ; wears old-fashioned striped duck trousers, all 
faded and patched, or in rags ; one gallus gone, the other 
fastened with a nail ; gingham shirt, dirty and torn. Has 



6 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

a dirty face and bis hair is not combed. Hair sticks up 
through top of old hat. Spits through his teeth. 

Jacob Von Hoffenstein — Dutch, age n; dressed simi- 
lar to Jim Henry. The individual fancy can suggest the 
costumes to a great extent. He is also a bad boy and Jim 
Henry's ardent admirer. They sit together and share one 
another's books. They get into fights, tease the little girls 
and keep things warm for the teacher. 

Mugg Rudd — A small boy of 5 (of course, the larger the 
boy or man who takes this part, the funnier it will be), who 
is always snuffling and wiping his nose on his sleeve. He 
may wear a dress or old-fashioned boy's clothes. 

Corwin Kilgore — Another small boy of six, always ask- 
ing questions the teacher cannot answer. He also may wear 
a dress and a sunbonnet, or waist and trousers of calico. 

Salvation Samson, aged 15, dressed similar to Johnny 
Short and Benjamin Long. May go barefoot or wear old 
cowhide shoes. 

Andrew Montgomery — An English boy who drops his 
h's ; age 8. Can make his part very funny. Wears clothes 
similar to Jacob's costume. 

remarks. 

While the teacher is hearing the classes the scholars that 
remain in their seats should keep up a pantomime of 
scratching on their slates, whispering, the boys chew paper 
and throw wads at the girls and scuffle. 

There are ten seats in rows of five. The boys sit in row 
to R C, the girls at L C. Indiana and Mary Ellen sit at 
2 L. Olivia and Lorena sit at 3 L, Deliverance and Eliza- 
beth Jane sit at 4 L, and Temperance and Emmazilla sit at 
5 L. This leaves 1 L vacant for the Widder and Set-Still 
to occupy. Mugg Rudd and Corwin sit at 2 R, Jim Henry 
and Jacob sit at 3 R, Salvation and Lorenzo sit at 4 R, 
Benjamin and Johnny at 5 R, and Andrew sits at 1 R. On 
the road to school the boys and girls carry dinner pails. 

There is a long bench in front of the desks where the 
band sits. The teacher's desk or table is at R near door. 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 7 

A blackboard is at R C at back and a bench for the dinner 
pails at L C at back. Nails are driven in wall over bench 
for them to hang- their bonnets and hats. A stool stands 
near door with a water bucket on it, and if a gourd can be 
procured it will be much more old-fashioned than a dipper 
or tin cup to drink from. 



STAGE SETTINGS. 

SCENE I. 

A Country Road. 



Wood Wings 



Wood Wings 



Road 



Note — This scene can be set on any platform, the wood 
wings not being necessary. Also Scene II can be changed 
to suit stage. 



scenes II AND III. 
A School Room. 




i i i i i i i i i i i i 

Hooks for Wraps 



rx 



Bench for Dinner Pails window 



Table 



•" - 4 -, 

\ 

ind 

lA 



Window 



Window 



Recitation Bench 



8 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

PROPERTIES. 

The old-fashioned school desks that do not fold. A desk 
or table for teacher, a stool, water bucket (wooden), a 
gourd, school books for all the scholars, a rubber snake, a 
chair for teacher, a tuning fork if one can be procured, 
spectacles, a various assortment of musical instruments, 
horns, a drum, the more odd the better in the way of in- 
struments ; the Captain may play a fife, mouth organ, horn, 
bugle, or anything he can get hold of. The more out of 
tune and time they play the better. Dinner pails or old- 
fashioned willow baskets with covers. A gray wig may 
be necessary for the teacher, and chin whiskers. Also 
whiskers for Set-Still. A wig for Deliverance. Black- 
board. Small chunks of wood for clods, or rocks may do. 



7 



The Old School At Hick'ry Holler. 



SCENE I. 

On the road to school. 
A country road. Time, in the morning, about 8 o'clock. 

Enter Elizabeth at R. Walks with long strides, as though 
in a hurry, toward L. Screaming heard. Enter 
Indiana, at R, running, limping and screaming at top 
of her voice. 

Indiana. Wait for me, Lizbeth Jane. Boo, hoo, hoo! 
I'll tell ma on yon, so I will. Ow ! 

Elizabeth {turning and seizing Ind. by the shoulder 
and shaking her vigorously). Shut up, you little brat! 
What you screaming about? 

Ind. Ow, wow, wow! You wouldn't wait fer me. 

Eliz. Think I'm goin' to poke along all day? Why 
don't you walk faster? 

Ind. I can't, my heel's all skint. Ouch! Boo, hoo! 

Eliz. (jerking her along). Serves you right for wearin' 
your new shoes. 

Ind. I wanted to look nice the last day. Oh, it hurts. 

Eliz. Take that shoe off. (Ind. sits on ground and re- 
moves her shoe; displays a large hole in stocking heel. 
Eliz. jerks her up and they go out at L, Ind. limping and 
carrying her shoe.) 

Enter Temperance, Emmazilla, Johnny and Benjamin. 
The boys carry their ozvn dinner pails and those of the 
girls. 

Temperance (jumping up and dozvn and screaming). 
Oh, there's a snake! Don't let it bite me! (Gathers her 
dress around her. Emm. shrieks and dances up and dozvn, 

9 



10 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

The boys grab stones and throw at it. They laugh at the 
girls. ) 

Johnny. What geese girls are. That's nothin' but a 
chicken snake. 

Benjamin. Huh! They ain't pizen. {All pass out at 
L.) 

Enter Jim Henry and Jacob at R. They shuffle along with 
their toes digging under, their hands in their pockets, 
their dinner pails hanging from their arms. 

Jim Henry (spits through his teeth. Sees snake, 
stops.) Hello, somebody's killed a snake. 

Jacob (picking it up). Vat kindt iss it alretty yet? 

Jim. Nothin' but a little chicken snake. (Takes snake 
from Jacob.) Les scare the girls.. (Talking heard.) 

Enter Deliverance, Lorena and Lorenzo at R. Lorenzo 
has his hands in his pockets and his month open. 
Lorena carries the dinner pail. 

Deliverance. Say, Mary Ellen's cousin from town, 
Olivia Henrietta Arabella See, is visitin her, and she's 
comin' to school to-day. 

Lorena. Oh, goody ! She chaws real store gum. 
Maybe she'll let us chaw it. 

Jim. Huh ! I wouldn't chaw store gum. My pap says 
it's made out o' coal ile. 

Lorena. Oh, story-teller, story-teller! 

Jim. Don't you call my pap a liar. (Throws snake, 
which he has been holding behind him, at her. She jumps 
and screams, as does Deliv. Jim and Jacob laugh and 
dance around. Jim puts snake in his pocket.) 

Jim. Girls are all scaredycats. 

Deliv. You ought to be ashamed — scaring folks like 
that. 

Enter Mary Ellen and Olivia. As they pass the boys 
Jim throws snake at them, holding it by the tail. 

Both Girls (jumping up and down). Ow! Take it 
away! Take it away! (Boys howl with mirth.) 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICKRY HOLLER. 11 

Jim. Oh, scaredycat, scarcdycat! It's dead. 

Mary Ellen. I don't care. I'll just tell teacher on 
you, so I will. 

Jacob. Oh, dale dattle, dale dattle! 

Jim. Hey, Dutchy, you always git things backwards. 
(Throzvs snake around Lorenzo's neck — he has been stand- 
ing half asleep with his mouth open.) There's a purty 
necktie fer ye. 

Lorenzo {knocking snake off). You jes quit that neow. 

Jim. Haw, haw ! Girl baby ! 

Lorena (flying at him and trying to scratch him). You 
just leave my brother alone. (Bell heard ringing. Jtm 
and all the others but Lorenzo run off stage at L, Lorena 
after Jim.) 

Lorenzo (jumping up and down and clapping his hands). 
Whup 'im, Lo; whup 'im, Lo! 

Curtain. 

(Lorenzo can be heard yelling "Whup 'im, Lo.") 



SCENE II. 



The schoolroom. Two rows of benches or desks, ten in 
a tow. Each desk scats tzvo. Teacher stands at his desk 
at R. Sunbonnets and shawls hanging on nails at back of 
stage. Pails setting on bench. Bucket of water on bench 
or stool near door. All the scholars in their places except 
Andrew and Corwin Kilgore. 

Teacher sits down, opens a book and calls the roll. 

Teacher. Lorena Juniper. 

Lorena. Present. 

Teacher. Lorenzo Juniper. 

Lorenzo. Present. 

Teacher. Elizabeth Jane Crabtree. 

Eliz. Present. 

Teacher. Indiana Crabtree. 

Ind. Present. 

Teacher. Deliverance Dodgett. 



12 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

Deliv. Present. 

Teacher. Temperance Teaberry. 

Temp. Present. 

Teacher. Emmazilla Uphill. 

Emm. Present. 

Teacher. Mary Ellen Crockett. 

Mary. Present. 

Teacher. Johnny Short. 

Johnny. Present. 

Teacher. Benjamin Long. 

Ben. Present. 

Teacher. Jim Henry Cobb. 

Jim. Hyar. 

Teacher. Answer me right. 

Jim. Present. 

Teacher. Salvation Samson. 

Salvation. Present. 

Teacher. Jacob Von Hoffenstein. 

Jacob. Present. 

Teacher. Andrew Montgomery. (No answer .) 

Teacher. Mug Rudd. 

Mug. Present. 

Teacher. Corwin Kilgore. (No answer. Teacher 
closes book, looks over his spectacles, picks up a song book 
and opens it.) 

Mary. Oh, teacher, let us sing our Geography song. 

Teacher. Very well. (Arises, takes tuning fork out 
of his vest pocket, bites it and holds it to his car. Start 
song, in which all join.) 

(Tune, "Skip to My Lou, My Darling.") 

"Oh, have you heard Geography sung, 
Eor if you have not, it's on my tongue, 
About the earth in air that's big, 

All covered with green little islands. 
Oceans, gulfs, bays and seas, 
Channels and straits, sounds, if you please, 
Great archipelagoes, too, and all these 

Are covered with green little islands. 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT H1CKRV HOLLER. 13 

"All over the earth arc water and land, 
Beneath the ships or where we stand ; 
And far beyond the ocean strand 

Are thousands of green little islands. 
Continents and capes there are, 
Isthmus and the peninsula, 
Mountain and valley and shore stretching far, 

And thousands of green little islands. 

"All o'er the globe some circles are found, 
From east to west they stretch around, 
Some go from north to southern bound 

Right over the green little islands. 
Great equator, tropics, too, 
Latitude lines, longitude, too. 
Cold polar circles, and all these go through 

The thousands of green little islands. 

"Oh, don't you think 'tis pleasant to know 
About the sea and land just so, 
And how the lines, the circles go, 

Right over the green little islands. 
Now you hear how we sing, 
This is, to-day, all we can bring, 
Come again soon, and you shall hear sung. 

The names of the green little islands." 

Enter Andrew Montgomery at R. 

Teacher. What's the matter, Andrew ? 

And. (panting). There was a lion standing down hour 
lane hand hi ad to come the long way to school. 

Teacher. Nonsense ! Don't you know there are no lions 
in this country ? 

And. It was ! A great big black lion. Ee stood hon 'is 
'ind legs. 

Teacher. How far were you from it? 

And. Habout 'alf ha mile. (Scholars all laugh. Andrew 
goes to his seat. Teacher goes to blackboard and writes 
Al on the board.) 



14 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

Enter Corwin Kilgore. 

Teacher. Why are you tardy, Corwin ? 

Corwin. Our spotted mule died las' night. 

Teacher. You did not have to ride the mule to school. 

Mug. Teacher, I seen him play in' in the branch. 

Teacher. That was very wicked. And on the last day, 
too. (Mug begins to cry and rub his nose on his sleeve.) 

Teacher. Stop that at once. Primer class, take your 
places. (Ind., Mug and Cor. go to front, stand in a rozv. 
Mug wipes nose on sleeve.) What is this word (pointing 
with stick to word on board) ? 

Ind. (spelling). A-l, al. 

Teacher. Who can add two letters and make a word ? 

And. Put ha hach in front hand ha hell hat the hend. 
Spells all. (Scholars all laugh.) 

Teacher. Andrew, you are worse about your h's than 
when you first started to school. You don't try. 

And. Hi can talk lots better nor ma. You nought to 
ere er. 

Teacher (writing the alphabet on the board). Mug, 
tell me each letter as I point to it. 

Mug. (looking around the room and repeating the alpha- 
bet very' fast). A, b, c, d, e, f, etc. 

Teacher (pointing to I). What is that letter? 

Mug. Looks like our gate post. (All laugh.) 

Teacher. I shall speak but once more. (.Looks at 
a bundle of sticks on wall.) What is that letter? 

Mug. L. 

Teacher. That is I. You will have to study your 
alphabet till you learn the letters in the book. (To Ind.) 
You may recite the alphabet. (She recites it correctly and 
then Corwin recites it.) Primer class is dismissed. 

Cor. (snapping his fingers). Teacher, can I get a drink? 

Teacher. Yes. (Cor. goes to pail of water, takes a 
gourd full and holds his head over pail as he drinks. 
Empties mater back in pail that is left.) 

Jim. Oh, teacher, look at Corwin. 

Teacher. Y^oung man, I've a good notion to whip vou 
for that. 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLKR. 15 

Jim. Teacher, can I go after some more water? 

Teacher. Yes, but don't stop to play. (Jim takes pail 
and goes out.) As this is the last day of school, we will only 
lightly review our lessons of the past term and devote the 
afternoon to recitations and exercises. The fourth reader 
class take your places. 

(Eli/., Temp., Emm., Johnny, Ben. and Sal. line up 
in front down C.) 

Teacher. All together, read. (All read together at the 
tops of their voices and in a sing-song:) 

'Tis the voice of the sluggard — I hear him complain, 

You have waked me too soon, I must slumber again 

(agane). 
As the door on its hinges, so he in his bed, 
Turns his skies and his shoulders and his heavy head. 

Enter Jim with water, which he seis on stool. Takes his 

seat. 

(During the recitation the other scholars are all playing. 
Olivia sits in front seat with Mary. Deli v. and Lorena 
sit behind the in. Deli v. twists Olivia's curls around her 
finger. Lorena makes pictures on her slate, making a 
scratching sound with her pencil. She holds slate up for 
the girls behind her to sec and they snicker. Jim and 
Jacob are pulling hair. Lorenzo goes to sleep and his 
head wabbles. Mug and Cor. have their heads together 
over a slate and Cor. is making pictures. And., who sits 
behind them, is looking over their shoulders. Teacher 
leaves class standing and tiptoes down the aisle. He jerks 
Cor. and Mug up by their collars and bumps their heads 
together until they cry. He seizes Jacob by the arm and 
jams him up and down in his seat and does the same to 
Jim Henry. The girls have begun to study industriously 
by the time he gets to them. He stands looking at them 
for a moment, then returns to his desk. Johnny zviggles 
Jus toe through the hole in his shoe. Ben. and Emm. are 
holding hands behind their backs. Eliz. is crying.) 

Teacher. What is the matter, Elizabeth Jane? 

Eliz. Nothing-. 



16 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

Teacher. That's a funny thing to cry about. 

Ind. (holding up her hand). Teacher, I seen Salvation 
Samson kiss her. 

Teacher. Never mind, Elizabeth, you'll be crying be- 
cause the boys don't kiss you in a couple of years more. 

Eliz. I won't no such thing, so I won't. 

Teacher. Salvation, I am surprised. Why did you 
do such an ungentlemanly thing? 

Sal. Well, she kept edgin' up to me an' lookin' at me 
sideways just like she wanted me to. 

Eliz. Boo, hoo, hoo ! I was tryiir to tell 'im there was 
a worm on his back. Wasn't thinkin' of kisshr. 

Sal. (begins to wiggle). Teacher, may I go out? That 
worm's crawled down my back. 

Teacher. Yes. It serves you right, though. (The 
scholars all laugh.) The class is dismissed. (All go to 
seats except Sal., zvho has rushed out at R.) The spelling 
class will recite. 

(Lorenzo, Lorena, Jim, Jacob, Deliv. and Eliz. go 
forward and line up in front of stage. Each scholar defines 
the word as he spells it. Jacob is at head of class, Lo- 
renzo at foot.) 

Teacher. Odor. 

Jacob. O-d-u-r, odur. Somedings vat shtinks goot. 

Teacher. Next. 

Jim. O-d-e-r, odor. A smell. 

Teacher. Next. 

Deliv. O-d-o-r, odor. Fragrance. (She goes to head 
of class.) 

Teacher. Oral. 

Eliz. O-r-a-1, oral. The liver and the mouth. 

Teacher. You spelled the word right, but I never 
heard such a crazy definition. Next. 

Lorena. O-r-a-1, oral. Delivered by mouth. (Goes 
above Eliz.) 

Teacher. Pilot. 

Lorenzo. P-i, pi, 1-u-t, hit, pilut. A ship full of steers. 
(All laugh.) 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICKRV HOLLER. 17 

Teacher. Next. 

Deliv. P-i-1-o-t. pilot. One who steers a ship. 

Teacher. Pagan. 

Jacob. P-a-g-a-n, pagan. (Studies, wriggles and 
f roams. ) 

Teacher. Define it. 

Jacob. It vas one Injnn. 

Teacher. Next. 

Jim. P-a, pa, g-a-n, pagan. A heathen. (Goes above 
Jacob.) 

Jacob. Vat's de tifference. Injuns vas heatens, vat? 

Cor. (snapping his -fingers). Teacher, did you ever see 
a thunder pumper? 

Teacher. Study that alphabet, sir. 

Cor. But did ye? 

Teacher (in a loud voice}. Study your lesson, sir. 
(Corwin begins to study in a loud whisper, "a, b, c." etc. 
All laugh.) 

Enter Sal. 

Teacher. The class is dismissed. (All go to seats. 
Jim pulls Deliverance's hair as he passes her. She begins 
to cry and pulls his hair. He yells, "Ouch!") What's 
that? Deliverance, I am ashamed of you. 
Deliv. I don't care. He pulled my hair first. 
Teacher. You and Jim Henry may commit to memory 
the poem, , 

''Let dogs delight to bark and bite, 
For 'tis their nature to." 

(They both go to their seats scozvling. Johnny passes 
a note to Ben. He begins to write on the back of it after 
reading, when the Teacher sees him and takes the note 
from him. Goes to his desk, adjusts his spectacles and 
reads the note.) 

Teacher. Johnny Short and Benjamin Long, come 
here. (The boys go forward. Reading the note aloud.) 
"Say, Ben, let's give old Toothacre the dickens this morn- 
ing. It's our last chance." And Ben has written, "All right, I 
am doing — " We all know he means doing my best. What do 



18 THE OLD SCHOOL AT LIICK'RY HOLLER. 

you think of such scandalous conduct? (Looks over his 
glasses at school and then takes bundle of sticks down, 
from which he selects one.) Last day of school or not, 
you shall suffer for this. 

Ben. I didn't say I was doing- my best. 

Teacher. You were going to. 

Ben. I wasn't 

Teacher. You were. 

Ben. I wasn't. 

Teacher. What were you going to say? 

Ben. Doin' my lessons. (All laugh.) 

Teacher. That's a likely story. (Puts szvitch back.) 
However, I do not wish to be severe. You may stand 
there in each corner. (Johnny goes to corner at R. and 
Ben. at L.) The geography class will recite. (All ex- 
cept the smallest scholars — Mary, Ind., Mug, Cor. and 
And. — go forward.) 

Cor. Teacher, I know where there's a turtle bird. 

Teacher. Study your lesson. (To Eliz.) What is a 
city? 

Eliz. It's a piece of land entirely surrounded by houses. 

Teacher. Next. 

Jim Henry. It's a place what has a mare and copper 
nation. 

Teacher. What is the matter with all of you? I never 
heard such stupid answers. Who knows what a city is? 

Temp. A city is a large town with a mayor and aldermen. 

Eliz. O-o-o-h ! 

Teacher. What are the suburbs of a city? 

Jacob. W-h-y, cabbage. 

Teacher. You talk like a cabbage head. 

Lorenzo. It's the outsides of a city. 

Emm. The outposts — the confines of a city. 

Cor. My pap took me to town oncet an' I couldn't see 
the town fur the houses. (Scholars all laugh.) 

Teacher. You had better learn the alphabet before you 
join the geography class. (To class.) What is a moun- 
tain? 

Sal. a great big hill. 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 19 

Teacher. Yon have the idea. What is an ocean? 

Jacob. A body uf vater four million dimes pigger dan 
our duck pond. 

(Teacher goes down to Cor. and jerks him up and 
down.) 

Cor. (snivelling). I wusn't doin' nuthin'. 

Teacher. That's what's the matter with you. You 
never do anything. (Goes back to desk.) The class is dis- 
missed. (Taps bell to denote recess. All give a whoop 
and rush for bonnets and hats.) 

Sal. Oh, teacher, come out and play blackman with us. 

(The oldest ones go out, leaving Lorenzo, Lorexa, Mary, 
Olivia, Jim, Jacob and And. in schoolroom. Lorenzo 
stands around with his mouth open and hands in his pock- 
ets. Mug and Cor. empty their pockets and szcap marbles. 
A various assortment of string, marbles, broken knives and 
everything a small boy usually carries is displayed. The 
girls gather admiringly around the little visitor, Olivia. 
Jim sneaks to teacher's chair and fixes a bent pin on seat, 
zvinds dead snake around it, then joins the others.) 

Lorena. Oh, Olivia Arabella, let me chaw your gum? 
I'll show you my wart on my arm if you will. 

Ind. I want to chaw it. 

Jim. What, the wart? Haw, haw! 

And. Hi will gather you some lots of rosum hif you'll 
let me chaw your store gum. 

Olivia. Everybody can take turn about chewing it. 
Lorena first, cause she asked first. 

Mary. I've got some of my own. (All look at her 
enviously. Olivia hands her gum to Lorena.) 

Olivia. Let's play something. 

Mary. What will it be? 

Olivia. Oh, let's play King William. 

All Together. All right. 

Lorena. I'm going to be It. 

(Shouts can be heard outside. Someone shouts, "What 
you doin' there?" Another answers, "Pickin* blackberries.'' 
"What will you do zvhen you see the blackman comiri?" 
"Run right through.") 



20 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

And. Wy don't you let Olivia be hit. She's our 
visitor. 

Jacob. Ach, Andy knowed Olivia 'd choose him yet. 

(Olivia takes her place and all the others join hands 
and circle around her, singing:) 

King William was King Jameses son, 
Upon the royal race he run ; 
He wore a star upon his breast, 
Go choose the one that you love best, 
Go choose the east, go choose the west. 

(Olivia faces first east, then west.) 

Go choose the one that you love best. 

(She points to And., who breaks the circle and joins 
hands with her. The others join hands and go on circling 
around them.) 

If he's not here to take your part, 
Then choose the one that's next your heart. 
Down on this carpet you must kneel, 
(Olivia and Andrew kneel.) 

Sure as the grass grows in the field. 
Salute your bride and kiss your sweet, 

(And. kisses her.) 
And then arise unto your feet. 
(They arise.) 

And now you're married you must be good, 

Keep your wife in plenty of wood. 

Chop it, split it, carry it in, 

And now you can hug her and kiss her again. 

Enter Teacher, who picks up bell and, going to door, rings 
bell violently. Scholars all pour in and take their seats. 
Teacher stands by desk till all is quiet., 

Teacher. We will sing the "Spotted Farm." 
(This is chanted in a monotone corresponding to this 
tune: Do me, do me, do me, me, me re, si re, si re, si re 
re re do, me fa, re fa, re fa, fa fa re, me fa, me fa, me fa fa 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT lllCK'RY HOLLER. 21 

fa me, sol do, sol do, so! do do do sol, sol sol sol sol sol sol 
sol do! going up high on last note.) 

(All sing together.) 

A farmer had a brindle cow, 
A speckled hen that made a bow, 
A tabby cat with five-toed feet 
And a spotted dog that loved to eat, 
A piebald horse with one good eye. 
And a freckled boy that told a lie ! 

(Teacher sits dozen on bent pin. Jumps up with a yell, 
whirls around and sees snake on chair. Seizes bundle of 
switches and fights at snake. Knocks it off chair, then 
falls on floor and writhes and groans. Children all look 
horrified excepting Jim and Jacob, who have their geog- 
raphies up before their faces and are snickering.) 

Teacher. Somebody go for the doctor, quick. I've 
been snake bitten. Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying! 
(Johnny and Ben. rush out at R. Temp, rushes to 
Teacher and, pulling off one of his shoes, begins to rub 
his foot.) 

Temp. Emmazilla, you come and rub his other foot. 
(Emm. hurries to her and pulls off Teacher's other shoe 
and rubs his foot. It is discovered that he wears no socks, 
lie twists and kicks and continues to groan. Some of the 
little ones begin to cry.) 

Enter Johnny and Ben, followed by Doctor Quackenbos. 

Johnny (panting). We met him right down the road 
a piece. 

Doctor (going to Teacher). Where did it bite you? 

Teacher. I sat down on it. 

Doctor (sees snake. Picks it up). Why, that snake's 
not pizen. You are not dying, Toothacre. 

Teacher (rising up and leaning on his elbow). What 
kind is it ? Are you sure it's not a poisonous reptile ? 
{Speaks in a weak voice.) 

Doctor. NothiiT but a common little chicken snake. 
How'd it ever come to git on that chair? (Sees Jim and 



22 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

Jacob snickering. Goes down aisle, seizes each by collar 
and leads them up to desk. They pull back. Teacher 
rises slowly to his feet.) I bet you boys can tell heow that 
snake got thar. 

Johnny (looking at snake). Why, that looks like the 
snake Ben and me killed this morning. 

Mug. I seen Jim Henry put somethin' on teacher's 
chair. 

Doctor (discovering bent pin). Haw, haw, haw! I 
guess you won't die this time, Toothacre. 

Teacher (seizing Jim by collar and grabbing whole 
bundle of switches). Fll show you how to scare folks to 
death. (Begins to whip him.) 

Curtain. 

(Jim can be heard screaming, "Oh, Lordy, my toe, I'll 
never do it again!" as curtain descends.) 



SCENE III. 



Same as last scene. Scholars all at their places. Teacher 
is at his desk. A knock is heard. Teacher goes to 
door. 

Enter Widder Crockett and Set-Still Campbell. 

Teacher. How de do. (Shakes hands with them. 
Shozvs them to seats near his t dcsk.) 

Widder. I heerd you was goin' to have a reg'lar sore- 
eye here this evenin'. 

Set-Still (with his hand to his ear). Who's that's got 
the sore eyes? 

Widder (shouting). I said they was goin' to have a 
sore-eye — a musicail — here this evenin'. 

Set-Still. Blamed if I know what ye air talkin' beout. 

Teacher, The Hick'ry Holler band has promised to 
render a few choice selections this afternoon. (Louder.) 
Render — 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER 23 

| Set-Still. Render lard? Who's ben killin' hogs this 
time o' year. 

Teacher (shouting).' I said render some selections of 
music. 

Set-Still. Yaas, 'tis beout time for spring elections. 
I hope you air goin' to vote rite. (Scholars all titter.) 

Widder. My Mary Ellen has a fine recitation to recite. 

Set-Still. Yaas, ingerns (onions) an' taters goes 
mighty good, fried together. 

A knock at the door. Teacher goes to door and ushers in 
Doctor Quackenbos. 

Doctor. Haw, haw! How's your snake bite ? (Teacher 
glares at Doctor, but ignores the question. Doctor sits on 
front seat, places hat on his knee, wipes his face with hand- 
kerchief, blows his nose with a loud snort, winks at the 
zvidder. ) 

Teacher. We will sing a song composed by Temper- 
ance Teaberry for this occasion. 

THE HICK'RY HOLLER SCHOOL. 

{Tune, "Nellie Gray") 

We're a band of happy children 

And we study all the day, 
And we never break our teacher's rule. 

First we study all our lessons — 

Then a little while we play ; 
Oh, we love our dear old country school. 

Chorus — 

Oh, we spell and read and write, 
And we play, but never fight — 

(Jim knocks Jacob off seat. They pull hair and have a 
terrible rozv.) 

Teacher (going to them and separating them, leads 
them up in front). I am grieved and shocked beyond 
measure. You boys may stand here till I tell you to sit 
down. (Stands one on one side of desk and the other on 
the opposite side. They stick their tongues out at him 



24 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 



when his back is turned.) We will sing the first two lines 
of the chorus over. (All sing.) 

Oh, we spell and read and write, 

And we play'but never fight, 
And something new we learn from day to day. 

We will always love our teacher 

And we'll strive to do the right, 
And we'll gain much wisdom while we may. 

Teacher (looking at list he holds). The next thing on 
the program is a dialogue by Indiana Crabtree and Mug 
Rudd. (Ind. and Mug go down C. They take their places 
facing each other. Mug zvipes his nose on his sleeve and 
snuffles. Ind. chews her apron string.) 

Ind. Little boy, little boy, who made your breeches? 

Mug. Daddy cut 'em out and mammy sewed the 
stitches. 

(They bob their heads at the audience and dart to their 
seats. ) 

Widder. Neow, wan't that jes' too cute? 

Teacher. A poem by Salvation Samson. 

Sal. (goes to C, bobs his head and speaks) : 

MY FATHER'S ONION BED AND MINE. 

When I had reached the age of twelve 

My father said to me : 
"Come, Nicodemus Salvation Samson, 

Some land I'll give to thee. 
It will lay behind the smokehouse — 

The soil is rich and fine — 
And you may name it 

Your onion bed and mine." 

He led me forth in early morn 

To show me how to plow, 
And see that no mistake was made — ' 

Well, I'm proficient now. 
I routed all the briers and roots 

And did not leave a vine, 
Because it was to be 

Father's onion bed and mine. , 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HKK'UY HOLLER. 25 

In ten days, my plowing done, 

The worst was yet to come. 
The onion sets had to be sot — 

You bet that I felt bum. 
But, alas ! for my fond hopes — 

I got the husks — not e'en a rind — 
For father got the profit 

Of his onion bed and mine. 

(Bobs his head and goes to seat.) 

Teacher. Next will be a song by Lorenzo Juniper. 
Lorenzo (goes to C, looks around with his mouth open; 
his hands hang loosely at his sides. In a sing-song). 

There were two crows sat on a tree — 

Caw, caw, caw! (Flaps his arms up and down 
like zcings as he says "caw") 
Biddy Magoo Magee. 
And they were black as you and me — 
Caw, caw, caw! (Flaps his arms.) 
Biddy Magoo Magee. 
Said one crow to his mate, 

Caw, caw, caw ! 
My friend, what shall we do for food to ate? 
Caw, caw, caw ! 

Biddy Magoo Magee. « 

(If the boy who recites this can imitate the caw of a croze 
it ivill be very funny. LoREtfZO resumes the stupid look 
and goes slowly to his scat.) 

Teacher. Miss Temperance Teaberry will read an es- 
say on education. 

Temp, (goes to C. Has her manuscript tied with blue 
ribbon. Bows very low). Friends and fellow schoolmates: 
Education is something we should all strive for. Its pow- 
ers are wonderful. If you have an education, young ladies, 
you can be a school teacher and wear a worsted dress and 
button shoes every day in the week. You won't have to get 
up at three o'clock in the morning and go out and milk 
fourteen cows and help feed the hogs if your pa ain't able to 



26 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER 

keep a hired hand, but you can sleep till six o'clock and 
ride horseback to school, and everybody respects you and 
calls you Miss. Education is a fine thing for the boys, too, 
for they can go to the city and be lawyers and real estate 
agents and doctors, and wear a boiled shirt and stand-up 
collar every day in the week, and black their shoes with 
real blacking instead of mutton tallow, and put bear's 
grease on their hair. And that beats turnin' sod with a 
yoke of spotted oxen. So my advice is, get education. 
(Bozvs and takes her scat.) 

Teacher. Deliverance will recite an original poem, "The 
Beautiful Hoe." 

Deliv. going to C, bows. Swings herself as she 
recites) : 

Oh, the hoe, the hoe, the beautiful hoe, 

How we love it when it misses the ground and hits our toe. 

Our backs bent double, our faces aglow, 

The long rows of taters we vigorously hoe. 

With its long wooden handle and bright shining blade, 
It beckons us on when garden is to be made. 
I once had a hoe, a beautiful hoe, 
But I broke it, alas ! now all is woe. 
To the garden no more will my weary feet go, 
For I took the ax and chopped up my'hoe. (Bozvs and 
goes to seat.) 

Teacher (to Jim and Jacob). You two boys may go 
to your seats. Jim Henry will read an essay on the hen. 

Jim (going to C). The hen is a fussy domestic animile 
and has two legs and several toes. She squawks when her 
little hens are in danger. She lays fresh eggs to sell to the 
teown people; so the grocer's sign says — but ma uses the 
fresh ones for puddin's an' things and sells the old ones. 
The hen can scratch the ground and raise the dust same as 
us boys playin' leapfrog in the road. The hen clucks when 
she feels happy an' can fight a dog amazin'. She is good 
for food, ; so our preacher sez, and" he ought to know, fur 
ma has killed twenty-seven chickens this vear, so fur, fur 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 27 

him. Us children git the wings and necks all rite. Ma 
always cooks the feet, too, but sis eats them, cause some- 
body sed they would make her beautiful. Huh ! Don't keer 
whether I'm purty or not. Oncet sis swallered a raw 
chicken heart whole cause somebody said she could git 
whoever she wanted if she would. She allers turns kinder 
white around the lips and sez no, thank ye, when ma passes 
her the heart now. Girls is nearly as funny as hens, and 
that's all I know about hens. (Bobs Jiis head and sits 
down.) 

Teacher. Mary Ellen Crockett will speak her piece. 

Mary (goes to C, bobs her head). 

Here I stand on two little chips. 
Come and kiss my sweet little lips. (Bobs her 
head and goes to. seat.) 

A knock is heard. Teacher opens door. Enter Hosea 
Jimson, Petero Blowhard, Henson Jackson and 
Capt. Kilgore. Hosea beats the drum, Petero plays 
the tuba, Henson the cornet and Capt. Kilgore the 
accordion. Teacher shakes hands with than and they 
seat themselves on front seat. 

Teacher. The next thing on the program is some music 
by the band. (The band stands and plays "Marching 
Through Georgia," no one keeping time. The drummer 
pounds the drum till the windows rattle, and as he brings 
his drumsticks down he works his nose in a funny way.) 

Teacher. Corwin Kilgore will speak his piece. 

Cor. (goes up, bobs his head) : 
Here I stand, all ragged and dirty, 
Come and ketch me 'fore I run like a turkey. (Runs 
to seat.) 

Teacher. Benjamin Long will deliver an oration from 
Hamlet. 

Ben. (goes to C. Has his hands behind him). I will to 
you a tale unfold. (Turns his back and lets fall a long 
strip of muslin which is pinned to his coat-tail. As he 
strides back to his seat three or four yards of muslin sweep 
along behind him.) 



23 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

Teacher. Andrew Montgomery will speak his piece. 
And. (goes to C. Has a paper bag with a string around 
it in his hand) : 

Hask me not to hadd hup fingers, 

Do not hask me to subtract ; 
Neither hask me to divide, by jiggers! 

For Hi 'ate numbers, that's ha fact ! 

Hi don't like to study spellin', 

Hi do not like to read and write ; 
Hi'd rather be hout doors yellin', 

Hi'd rather play, Hi'd rather fight. 

Hi want to be ha cowboy, 

Hand with the cowboys stand ; 
With spurs hupon my boots 

Hand ha lasso hin my 'and. 

To ride ha bucking bronco 

Hand round hup Texas steers ; 
To wear ha broad-brimmed 'at ho, 

Hand my 'air down round my hears. 

(Throws paper bag at audience.) 'Ere's hall the haches 
I left hout. (Bobs his head and goes to seat.) 

. Teacher. Jacob Von Hoffenstein will speak a piece en- 
titled "That Mosquito." 
Jacob (goes to C, bobs his head) : 

Dose mooskeeders, dot mooskeeders, 

He fly so light droo der air; 
His moosick sweed, ids hard to bead, 

Dot you schmile yourselluf in disbair. 

Dose mooskeeders, dot mooskeeders, 

To catch him you often dry, 
But you vail und mit a wail, 

You almost somedimes gry. 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 2!) 

Dose mooskeeders, dot mooskeeders, 

In der nide you hear bussin, 
Und schlap yourselluf shust vere he aimed 

Because lie call you cousin. 

Dose mooskeeders ! Dot mooskeeders! 

Dhey goom so tick und tin ; 
But soon got fat on your varrum blood 

Und den vipe off dere chin. 

(Bobs his head and goes to seat.) . 

Teacher. Olivia Henrietta Arabella Sec will speak her 
piece. 

Olivia (goes to C, twisting herself, mincing and tossing 
her head. Bowing lozv) : 

"His hook he baited with a dragon's tail. 
And sat upon a rock and bobbed for whale." 
(Bozvs gracefully and goes to seat.) 

Teacher. Elizabeth Jane Crabtree will read an essay on 
George Washington. 

Eliz. (goes to C. Bobs her head. Reads from manu- 
script). George Washington was a great man. Once 
when the enemy was after him with bloodhounds he crossed 
the Alps in a small boat with the ice scrunching against the 
sides of the boat, and every minute he thought he would be 
swallowed up by the cruel waves. When he was a little 
boy his father gave him a little hatchet for a birthday pres- 
ent and one Fourth of July he chopped down his father's 
prize apple tree. W r hen he heard his father coming he hid 
behind a burning bush. His father called : Georgie, where 
art thou? Here I am, pa, said George. What are you 
doing behind that burning bush ? said old man Washington. 
Father, I cannot tell a lie, said George, I was hiding from 
you. Why did you cut down my prize apple tree? said old 
man Washington. The woman, she tempted me, said 
George. So the old man turned George out of the orchard 
and placed a terrible dragon with norful scales that rattled 
like chains and a forked tongue at the gate, and there it is 



30 THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLER. 

to this day. And that's all I know about George Wash- 
ington. (Bobs her head and goes to her seat.) 

Teacher. Emmazilla Uphill, our elocutionist, will give 
a recitation from the songs of Selma. 

Emm. (gives a running skip to the front and begins. 
Throws her head back, rolls her eyes). Star of descending 
night! (Points upward.) Fair is thy light in the west! 
(Points to the east.) Thou liftest thy unshorn head from 
thy cloud! (Tosses her head wildly.) Thy steps are 
stately on thy hill! (Treads up and down.) What dost 
thou behold in the plain? (Puts her hand to her brow and 
peers wildly out.) The stormy winds are laid. (Throws 
her hands out.) The murmur of the torrent comes from 
afar! Roaring waves climb the distant rock. (Steps up 
and down.) The flies of evening are on their feeble wings. 
(Flaps her arms to represent flying.) What dost thou be- 
hold, fair light? But thou dost smile (grins) and depart. 
(Walks backward, stumbles and falls over Doctor's feet. 
He grabs her by the neck of her dress and sets her on her 
feet) 

Doctor. Ye dod-blasted little fule, what ye tryin to 
do? (Emmazilla goes to her seat crying.) 

Teacher. The next thing on the program is a speech by 
Johnny Short. 

Johnny (going to C. and folding his arms, begins im- 
pressively) : Ye doubtless thought, for ye judge of Roman 
virtue by your own, that I would break my plighted oath, 
rather than, returning, brook your vengeance ! And, return- 
ing, brook your vengeance! vengeance! (Looks wildly 
around — clutches at his hair, bats his eyes) — vengeance — 
I forget the rest. (Rushes to seat.) 

Teacher. And now, Mr. Campbell, as the scholars are 
all through with their exercises, will you favor us with a 
speech ? 

Set-Still (with his hand to his ear). Hey? 

Teacher. Will you give the children a few words of 
advice ? 

Set-Still (who has never made but one speech, and uses 



THE OLD SCHOOL AT HICK'RY HOLLKR. 31 

it on all occasions) : Wall, neow, I ain't much on speakin', 
but I'll do the best I kin. 

Set-Still (goes to C). Feller sitters and sister sitizens, 
the theme of my discourse will be — Vote rite! I shall 
plunge rite into the meet of the subjeck to oncet by saying 
that you have all heard of Mr. Multum Enparvo, no doubt, 
and has he not sed in plain metaphor (when he wus urging 
us to vote for his candidate) that we should to vote rite? 
Agin. Is there anyone in this vast and big aujience that 
has not red the glowing periods of the Honorable Vox 
Populi? Hes he not told you to gird up yurc gallusses, 
pay yure road tax, march to the ballot box and vote rite? 
Did you do it, my feller tillers of water and drawers of the 
sile? Agin. When the weekly Jaytown Herald comes 
to our homes (one dollar per year, paid in advance, now is 
the time to subscribe), do we not open it gingerly and han- 
dle it with care, as we sot midst the fambly sirkel and 
peruse it for the eddification of those around us? Are we 
not edified, amused and our minds broadened after reading 
Mr. Vox Dei's artikel on how to make hay when the sun 
shines? How many city farmers understand the deep 
signifikans and can interpret them words? I can and will. 
They mean, vote rite. When I tell you that presidents and 
congressmen, road supervisors, county clerks and constables 
are holding office to-day because the majority voted rite 
and some of 'em often — I say once agin, by hen — Vote rite ! 
(Sits down and wipes his face with a red bandana hand- 
kerchief.) 

Teacher. We will now have some music by the band. 
They will render "Home, Sweet Home," with variations. 
(Band plays "Home, Sweet Home" and curtain falls while 
it is playing. A quartette can sing in place of band or the 
school can sin? "Home, Sweet Home," as curtain falls.) 





— M — 






TWINKLING FINGERS 




1 


PRICE 25< 

T.S.DENISON 

PUBLISHER CHICAGO 




II 







Twinkling Fingers and 
Swaying Figures 

By CLARA J. DENTON. Music by W. C. PARKER. 
ILLUSTRATED. 



%^ GEM of a book. New finger and motion plays and 
•"^ songs. The best thing for the little ones ever 
issued at so low a price. The subjects are such as 
always interest children. The rhymes are simple and 
catchy. The music is easy and taking. There are six 
new tunes, and other pieces in the book are arranged to be sung to them, 
affording much variety. This is a book for the Home, the School, the 
Kindergarten, or Exhibitions. 

Price, Paper CoVer, Postpaid, 25 Cents. 



Mother Goose's Goslings 

Td)LAY containing songs with music, byElizabeth T. Guptill; 9 girls. 7 boys. 
■ isr ^ Time, 30 m. Easy "to present. No scenery, costumes simple. Children 
never tire of Mother Goose melodies, and never have they been better 
arranged for an entertainment. This is a lively little play, full of fun and 
sure to make a hit. 

Price, Postpaid, 15 Cents. 



& 



The Old Maids 9 Club 

<OMIC entertainment in one scene, by Marie Butterfield; 2 m., 16 f. 

' Time, about 1% h. Costumes old-maidish and grotesque. The club is 
organized to secure husbands, and the recital of their adventures in the chase 
is very funny. .Inst the thing for a church or woman's club entertainment. 
Easy to produce and a money-maker. An evening of refined, hilarious fun. 

Price, Postpaid, 25 Cents. 

The Gruff Judge and Happy 
Santa Claus 

CHRISTMAS cantata, libretto by Fanny E. Newberry, music by T. M. 
Tonne; 6 m., 5 f. Chorus of boys and girls, Scenes: Simple interiors 
Santa Claus (bass). Mrs. Fry, the Judge's housekeeper (soprano). Mrs. Man- 
ning, a poor widow (alto). Bessie, Maggie and Grace (soprano and alto). 
Judj;e Sterne (tenor). Zeke, his servant. Jamie, the widow's son. Harry 
(tenor i. Joe, a boy. Costumes simple. A bright, clever plot and very 
pleasing music. 

Price, Postpaid, 30 Cents. Six Copies, $1.25. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher 

163 Randolph St., CHICAGO 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. 

Price is Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. 



FARCES AND SKETCHES. 

Iff, K. 

« Assessor, sketch, 10 min 3 2 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Hud Job, 30 min 3 2 

Harden vs. Pickwick, 25 min... (i 2 

Beautiful Forever, 30 min 2 2 

Hetsy Raker, 45 min 2 2 

Blind Margaret, musical, 30 m. 3 3 
Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min... o 5 
Borrowing Trouble, 25 mini... 3 5 

Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 

Breezy Call, 25 min 2 1 

Bumble's Courtship, 18 min. .. 1 1 

Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 

Christmas Ship, musical, 20 m. 4 3 

Cobbler, 10 min 10 

Convention of Papas, 25 min... 7 

Country Justice, 15 min 8 

Cow That Kicked Chicago, 20 

min 3 2 

Cut Off with a Shilling, 25 min. 2 1 

Deception, 30 min 3 2 

Desperate Situation, 25 min 2 3 

Documentary Kvidence, 25 min. 1 1 

Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min 5 3 

Fair Encounter, sketch, 20 min. 2 

Family Strike, 20 min 33 

First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 

Freezing a Mother-in-Law, 45 

min 3 2 

Great Medical Dispensary, 30 

min 6 

Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 

Hard Cider, temperance, 15 m.. 4 2 

Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 

Homoeopathy, Irish, 30 min 5 3 

I'll Stay Awhile, 20 min 4 

I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min.. 3 2 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. . 8 
In the Wrong House, 20 min. . . 4 2 
Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min.. . 3 3 

Is the Editor in? 20 min -4 2 

John Smith, 30 min 5 3 

Just My Luck, 20 min 4 3 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min 5 1 

Kiss in the Dark, 30 min 2 3 

Larkin's Love Letters, 50 min.. 3 2 
Lend Me Five Shillings, 40 min. 5 2 

Limerick Hoy, 30 min 5 2 

Little Black Devil, 10 min 2 1 

Love and Rain, sketch, 20 min. 1 1 

Lucky Sixpence, 30 min 4 2 

Lucy's Old Man, sketch, 15 m. 2 3 
Madame Princeton's Temple of 

Beauty, 20 min 6 

Mike Donovan, 15 min 1 3 

Misses Heers, 25 min 3 3 

Mistake in Identity, 15 min... 2 

Model of a Wife, 25 min 3 2 

Mrs. Gamp's Tea, sketch, 15 m. 2 

My Jeremiah, 20 min 3 2 

My Lord in Livery, 45 min 4 3 

My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min. ... 33 



M. F. 

My Turn Next, 50 min 4 3 

Narrow Escape, sketch. 15m... <> 'J 

Not at Home, lSmln 2 o 

Obstinate Family, 40 min :'» 3 

On Guard, 25 min 4 2 

Only Cold Tea. '_>( I min 3 3 

Outwitting the Colonel, 25 m . . 3 2 

Patsy O' Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Pat the Apothecary, 35 min 6 2 

Persecuted Dutchman, 35 min. 6 3 

Pets of Society, 30 min u 7 

Played and Lost, sketch, 15 m. 3 2 

Pull-Hack. 20 min 6 

Quiet Family, 45 min 4 4 

Realm of Time, musical, 30 min. 8 15 

Regular Fix, 50 min 6 4 

Rejected, 40 min 5 3 

Rough Diamond, 40 min 4 3 

Row in Kitchen and Politician's 

Hreakfast, 2 monologues.. . 1 1 

Silent Woman, 25 min . . 2 1 

Slasher and Crasher, 1 hr. 15 m. 5 2 

Ta ming a Tiger, 20 m i n 3 

That Rascal Pat, 35 min 3 2 

To Oblige Henson, 45 min 3 2 

Too Much for One Head, 25 m. . 2 4 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 50 

min i 3 6 

Treasure from Egypt, 45 min.. 4 1 

Trick Dollar, 30 min 4 3 

Turn Him Out, 50 min 3 3 

Twenty Minutes Under Um- 
brella, sketch, 20 min 1 1 

Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 

Two Gay Deceivers, 25 min 3 

Two Gents in a Fix, 20 min.... 2 

Two Ghosts in White, 25 min. . 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Two Puddifoots. 40 min 3 3 

Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 

Very Pleasant Evening, 30 min 3 

Wanted: a Correspondent, 1 hr. 4 4 

Wanted; a Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Which Will He Marry? 30 min. 2 8 

White Caps (The),musical, 30m. 8 

Who is Who, 40 min 3 2 

Who Told the Lie? 30 min,.... 5 3 

Wide Enough for Two, 50 min. 5 2 

Woman Hater (The), 30 min... 2 1 

Wonderful Letter, 25 m1n 4 1 

Wooing Under Difficulties, 35 

min 4 3 

Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 



The publisher believes that he can 
say truthfully that Dcnison's list of 
plays is on the whole the best se- 
lected and most successful in the 
market. New Play* will be added 
from time to time 



For Ethiopian Plays see Catalogue 



T. S. DENIS0N, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



HXH 



CHOICE PLAYS AND AMU* 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



Plays by T. S. DENISON. 

That the plays written by T. S. 
Denison are, all things considered, 
the best for amateurs, is attested by 
their very large and increasing sale. 
New plays in this type. 

COMEDIES. M. f. 
Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts. 1 

hr. 45 min 7 4 

Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 hr. 

15 min 7 3 

The School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1 hr. 

45 min 6 5 

Only Daughter, 3 acts, lhr. 15m. 5 2 

Louva , the Pauper, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 9 4 

Under the Laurels, 5 acts. 2 hrs. 5 4 

Danger Signal, 2 acts, lhr. 45m. 7 4 
Otir Country, Historical Play, 

3 acts, Thr ,. 10 5 

Topp's Twins, 4 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 

It's all in Pay Streak, 3 acts, 1 

hr. 40 min 4 3 

The New Woman, 3 acts, lhr.. 3 6 

FARCES. 

Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. . 8 
Wanted : a Correspondent, 2 act s, 

45 min 4 4 

A Family Strike. 20 min 3 3 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

The Assessor, 10 min 3 2 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min — 3 5 

Country Justice, 20 min 8 

The Pull- Back, 20 min 6 

Hans von Smash, 2 acts, 30 min. 4 3 
Irish Linen Peddler, 2 acts, 40 

min 3 3 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min .... 51 
Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Is the Editor In? 20 min 4 2 

Pets of Society, 20 min 7 

Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 

Rejected, 40 min 5 3 

A First=Class Hotei, 20 min .... 40 
Madame Princeton's Temple of 

Beauty, 20 min 6 

Dude in Cyclone, 20 min 5 3 

The Cobbler, 10 min 10 

A Convention of Papas, 25 min. 7 

TEMPERANCE. 

The Sparkling Cup. 5 acts, 2 hrs. 12 4 

Hard Cider, 10 min 4 2 

Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 

Jt^Topp's Twins, and It's AH in 

the Pay Streak, 25c each. All 
others, 15c each, Postpaid. 
OPERETTAS. 

Bonnybell 25c. 

Elma, the Fairv Child 25c. 

Eulalia 25c. 

Let Love Hut Hold the Key .... 25c. 

Pocahontas 15c. 

Large Catalogue Free. 




Friday I 
Twent 

A VS?i 016 103 277 3 

When the ucssuns are uver. 

New Dialogues, Drills, Plays.. 25c. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen Selections 25c. 

From Tots to Teens. 

Dialogues for youths, chil- 
dren, little tots, pieces for 
special occasions 25c. 

SPEAKERS. 

Poetical Entertainer. 

New original poems for all 

occasions (bound), illustrated. 50c. 
Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages 25c.\ 

Favorite Speaker. 

Ch oice prose and poetry 25c. 

Comic Entertainer. 

Comic recitations, finale's, 

monologues; dialogues, etc.... 25c. 
Choice Pieces for Little People. 25c. 
Patriotic Speaker. 

Selections from best authors. . 25c. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc., 25c. 
Scrap=Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, 

humorous, descriptive, prose, 

poetry. 13 Nos., per No. . 25c. 

SPECIALTIES, Entertainments, etc. 

Best Drill Book. 

Taking Drills and Marches.. . 25c. 
Little Folk's Budget. 

Best book for tiny folks 25c. 

Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes. 

Charades, and how to prepare, 25c. 
School and Parlor Tableaux. 

For school, church and parlor, 25c. 
Wax Figgers of Mrs. Jarley. 

With full directions 25c. 

Private Theatricals. 

Selecting plays, cast, rehear- 
sals, rain, lightning, etc 25c. 

Negro Minstrels. 

Tells the whole thing 25c. 

Black American Joker. 

For mi nstrel shows 25c. 

New Jolly Jester. 

Full of the keenest fun 25c. 

Work and Play. 

A gem of a book for children. 25c. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, sccials, 25c. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Games, puzzles, shadows 25c. 

Social Card Games. 

Complete manual 25c. 

Debater's Handbook (cloth) .... 50c. 

Good Manners 25c. 

Everybody's Letter Writer .... 25c. 



T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. 



